Breathing should get easier.

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Originally uploaded by ravenslove

Today there were a few moments when I didn't think about what happened. Just a few precious moments out of a 10 hour shift. Those moments gave me hope that this to shall pass. The love my husband and I experience is like no other feeling we have ever had in the past. Raven isn't afraid of much, but when the decision was told to him, he was terrified. Terrified that I wouldn't last the two years. Maybe even decide to leave this life, leave him. He has been left in the past. Left because he is in prison, left because they couldn't handle it. Left because of death.
That's when I enlightened him to the truth. That I would never leave him. I could no more leave him then I could stop breathing. While breathing still hurts it is something I must do to survive. Just like I must love Raven to survive. There will come a day when the parole board will do whats right and let him come home were he belongs. Until then the moments grow into hours, the hours into days. Days into years.

So I have come to terms. Sort of.

Since September 12 I have come to terms that my husband will not be home till 2010. Sort of. We have an attorney who is working on his case as we speak. There has never been a full board that was overturned. We have enough reasons that in an actual court of law there would have been a mistrial. The lawyers would have been screaming. There was information that was not given and lies that were told. Lies that all they had to do is read the police report and the board would have known they lied. I have learned that you can never trust a public defender to have your best interests at heart. The lawyer we have now is preparing some information to request a reconsideration of the descision of the board. Until we hear I am just accepting that my husband will probably not come home till 2010.

Yes I know I have typed that twice I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that they had told us he was coming home August 8, 2007 then give him an
additional two years. So I keep saying it trying to make it easier to accept.

2010 seems so very far away. I remember in 2005 when we expected him to be flopped. It was hard then but the time did go quickly. We were not allowed to visit for the first 4 1/2 years so this should speed by.

We see each other every two weeks now. It's as close to perfect as a visit can be. Being with him, touching him, kissing him, is heaven. While we can't do everyting we want, we can talk and be together. He is loving, supportive and funny. We have more fun than one would expect. No pictures this week. Next visit October 7, 2007.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT!

So we do these two years in two week intervals and they will fly.

I love my husband.

Some people have no life!

The funny thing about this blog, is that some people just check it out to see how I am doing. Not because they are my friends or because they are interested in the prison life style, but because they fucked my ex husand. This woman has no life. She Has never had a man that she hasn't whored away from a wife. Now don't get me wrong my marriage to my ex wasn't great. In fact we probably would have divorced over other issues in our marriage but she sure helped it along. The funniest thing is that right after I moved out she thought they were going to be a couple. He started dating someone else and this lady was again just the side whore. I have never laughed so hard. Now she may think she can gloat about my husband getting more time, but at least I have someone I love unconditionally and who loves me the same way. While she has to share my ex with anyone he wants. She knows who she is and that Karma is a Bad Mother.

Oh and if my ex reads this. I am sincerely wishing you all the happiness in the world and wish we could have parted on better terms. We sure did have some fun times.

The Day After!

I have had a day to process and it doesn't make it any easier. The fact that the board made the decision they did with no reasons is still extremely hard to take. I felt so sick that I couldn't make it in to work today. My husband has done everything they told him too. The classes, the staying out of trouble. He is over the max guidelines that the board set to follow. They had given us a date of August 8 2007 for him to be home. STOPPED. Now the board has said no till 2009 which means he won't be home till February 2010.

Now there is a wonderful woman (M) who went to the meeting to support me. She works for a public office that should be hardened. M is not. She was so upset and disgusted by the boards decision that she couldn't go to work either. I had called her to say thank you. We ended up going out for lunch, the old fashioned three martini lunch. M is so very smart and fun to be around, that for a moment I forgot. Forgot how much I hurt right now. She makes me think, laugh and forget. For that I will be eternally grateful.

The thing is that Raven and I can make it. He loves me unconditionally as do I love him. He is sexy, fun and supportive. More love then I have ever felt. We did our first three years with no visits. Now at least we have visits, so that means we are 51 visits till Raven comes home. 27 months. Life goes on and it is what it is. It will be ok.

This will make some sad and some happy

We went to the full board today. There was a very high profile case being heard today. Media as well as politicians were there. I guess the pressure was to much for the board to take. Out of 5 guys up for parole none made it. They gave Raven a set off till December 2009. So two more years of this shit. Now to all my friends I want to thank you for all the support and love you have given Raven and I. To the ones that will be happy to hear this. I am sorry for any pain I have caused you that you feel it necessary to check in on my blog and enjoy my pain. Maybe now after all we have been through you too can move on. Either way know that I love my husband, he isn't the criminal he once was. We are unhappy with the situation but very happy with each other. We will get through this as well. They can keep him for now but they can't keep him forever.