49 to Go. Part 2.

So when we last left I was waiting for Raven to come into the visiting room. He comes in from the left door, then he must go to the podium on the right of visiting. There he reports into the C/o's with his name and number. Once checked in he comes over were we get to say hello, hug and kiss. Let me tell you his hug and kiss make everything worth while. His arms are so strong. My husband is only three inches taller then I am so we fit together perfectly. When I kiss him time stands still. There are no bars or gates. No one else just him and I. He smells perfect and tastes even better. Then we sit down to really look at each other. I always have some food and drink ready for him when he comes in. We spend the next 7 hours talking, laughing and loving. I bring pictures for him to look at. Telling him stories of each one. I get to look at him when I hear about the sports teams he coaches. Hear about all the happenings in the prison from the inside. We have time together, just to be. We take pictures, not because we want more pictures with bad backgrounds but because it give us another chance to be in each others arms. Then all to soon the visit is over. The c/o's call us to the front. Now in Ohio your allowed one kiss at the beginning and one at the end. In between your only allowed to hold hands. The beginning kiss is good but we always hold back. If the guards are in a bad mood we don't want our visits terminated at the beginning. Now the end kiss is what we affectionately call the balls to the walls kiss. We put everything we have into the kiss. It's the kiss that takes our breath away and shows us the promise of what we are waiting for.

This is so hard!

I got a room mate Saturday 11/10/2007. A guy that my husband sent home from NCCI. A young guy who made a mistake when he was hurting from a broken relationship. We talked for weeks on the telephone, Tuesday's with Ravenslove. Talked about how long he was in, what his crime was and how he wanted to change his life for the better. I told him that it would help having someone to help pay the rent and the bills. I was right it will help. It's also extremely hard. J came home and I got him a job. The same job that was being saved for my husband. Today we went to turn on a cell phone. The same phone I bought and had turned on for my husband. When the board flopped him I had it turned off. Now that J is home we went to have it turned back on. It made all kinds of sense. They would reimburse me the 200 termination fee and J would have a phone. Simple right. Then half way through the transaction I started crying. Here is a man living in my husband's house. Working my husband's job. Using my husband's cell phone. This so hard, so fucking hard. It should be Raven. Should be him living here and doing everything that J is doing. It's just not fair.