Saturday, October 21, 2006

I had a friend come over.

I had a friend come over. She got here on Wednesday and is here till Sunday. Her man is in the prison were Raven was for over two years. RCI the same place were the ass warden said it would be a cold day in hell before I would be able to visit Raven. C is from South Carolina. The typical southern bell, She has a great accent and a fun personality, boisterous, generous and friendly. Some one who can take a penny and make lincoln scream. She calls herself a professional shopper. She is worried about how her visits are affecting me.

Frankly I have wondered how I feel about her visits also. On one hand I am very happy for her and her man to finally get to see each other face to face. On the other I am jealous. The first day when C was expected in, I was missing Raven so bad I laid in bed and cried. I don't wish for anyone to be kept apart from their love, especially not for over two years like Raven and I. I also don't understand how the Drc can stop us from visiting but let just about anyone else visit.
You can spend years in a prison. Get paroled and off paper and you will be visiting your friends you left behind within 4 weeks. Work for the Drc and never visit.

It will be fine, Raven comes up for parole in March of 2007 and we are hopeful that he will be home by June of the same year. We have said it before they can keep him for now but they can't keep him forever.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I did not write this, I just feel this.

I want someone I can be bare with.
I want someone who puts my soul at ease & my mind at rest.
I want someone who excites my spirit and stirs my intellect.
I want someone who knows me, inside out, completely and totally and never uses my flaws against me.
I want someone who loves me for me. Someone who can make me laugh, and make me cry, someone with whom the very attempt at trying to articulate what I feel for them reduces me to tears.
I want someone who loves me completely, not fractionally or marginally, just as much as I love them. No more, no less. I want someone who is intelligent, with whom every conversation is just as free flowing, just as inspiring and as the one before. Even when it is about nothing.
I want to still be able to talk to him when we are 80, to have conversations even better than the ones we had in the late nights of the adolescence of our relationship.
I want someone who isn't just funny, but is hilarious, who makes me laugh in my darkest hours, and who knows when I don't need to laugh. Someone who knows when I need to be alone in those dark places and doesn't judge or feel misplaced in my life due to my need to care for myself.
I want someone who inspires me to poetry, someone who I cannot capture with words on a page, for whom I have to tear up a million pieces of paper because the words I've written do his elegance no justice.
I want someone who moves me to sing and makes me finally understand the words to every love song I've ever heard.
I want someone with whom every kiss still feels like the first time, still makes my heart speed and my barriers melt.
I want someone who is patient of me when my head conflicts with my heart and I can't find the medium between the two forces.
I want someone who encourages me to be deeper, stronger, better.
I want someone who needs me, who understands if I don't always quite know how to need him.
I want someone adventurous, someone who wants to go with me wherever my heart may take us and isn't afraid to let me lead. I want someone who is honest with me, is laid open to me in an intimate way that can only be achieved by carefully built trust.
I want someone who will strip me down, but will love me just as much, if not more, when the decorations are few, the distractions are fleeting, and all that's left is who I am and who I hope loving him will make me be.

Raven makes me feel all of the above and more.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

The good, The Bad and The same

The good. Raven is now firmly ensconced in what will hopefully be the last prison he will ever be in. He starts the class next Thursday. You remember the class the one the parole board said he needed before he can come home. The class is one day a week for the next 12 weeks. At least thats one less thing to worry about. Now at least when he goes to the parole board the class will be finished and hopefully he can come home.

The Bad, We are still trying to be able to see each other. Raven has an appointment with the chaplain to find out how to go about getting married. The joke is that NCCI is the easiest prison to bet married in. Raven and I are always saying that the prison will be like Raven and her getting married, Pump ya breaks. The marriage will come to a screeching halt. We are trying but I am not holding my breath. We want visits and to be married.

The Same. As of now nothing new is happening.