Friday, April 28, 2006

Sitting around with the Girls.

Sitting around the apartment with my roommate Kelly, Stephanie and Karen, drinking rum punch. So Image four drunk females. Sitting around talking. We found out that my roommate Kelly is drunk she can't stop talking. She interrupts all the time and has to be the center of attention all the time. Stephanie and I are just missing our men. Me especially. I miss Raven so much. We are still getting the run around about visits and marriage. Nothing is getting settled. They always have an excuse to put off giving us information. So we are quickly heading to two and half years of not seeing each other. Sometimes I feel like it's taking it's toll. We don't seem to be connecting as well as we used to. This could be because of the stress we both are in right now and as Raven says "This to, shall pass" Yes I know it's been said before but somehow it sounds sweeter coming from his lips. I know I love him, want with all my soul to be with him. That makes it all the harder to be separated from him for so long. I fucking miss him, even in the middle of all my friends. Happily drunk on rum punch.
I will always miss him. Until the day he walks free through the gate and into my arms.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Another holiday come, another holiday gone.

It seems like every holiday I end the day sitting on my couch crying and blogging. So to start out this week we ran out of prepaid for the phone calls that both Raven and I live for. Come to find out that MCI bought Verizon. Then like any good monopoly they raised the prices about 50% with out telling anyone. Who cares, after all we are just inmates families. So the phone calls have to be cut in half to stay within our budget. Now the only thing that makes holidays apart bearable are the fact that he can call me more often then usual. Now we can't do that. I'm tired. Tired of getting the run around on our visits. Tired of getting the run around on our wedding. His class. When or if he will get moved so that he can come home in 2007. Coming home in 2007 isn't a sure thing. They could actually flop him for another two years and they wouldn't even care. That could mean two more years of not seeing him. Two more years of MCI raping us with ridiculous phone rates. We have already paid over 17,500 in two years of their phone charges. I'm scared of spending two more years of this. I love Raven with all my heart but I don't want to do this for two more years. So all of you who read this please pray for us, that Raven gets his class and make parole in January so he can be home by March 2007. I need my baby home.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Evil Kitty

Cochise 4/7/06
Originally uploaded by ravenslove.

So today I got a kitty, Blue Seal Point, also physco as hell. I forgot how much fun baby's are. All the energy followed by sleep episodes that last all to brief. Now those of you who have read my blog may remember I have a large shaggy dog. The two of them are now trying to get use to each other. Lupina can't figure out how her favorite toy came to life and why he won't play with her. Coshise is looking at Lupina like King Kong just arrived to take Fay Ray. The funniest part of it is that when Lupina lays down, Coshise sits about 4 inches in front of her paws. He is almost falling asleep. Just trying to stay awake and watch the dog. Then all of a sudden He runs like a mad cat around the house. He also has an uncanny interest in my lap top. I'm not sure if he is typing this or am I. This is going to be an interesting journey. But for right now Cochise is just quietly sleeping on my chest.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Another go round.

We are still waiting on permission to visit and/or get married. This has been going on for over a year and a half. The newest installment is that the warden says we will have our decision by Friday. The lady who is helping us get visits said that he sounded upbeat and wasn't saying anything negative. My future mother in law also wrote a letter to the warden requesting visits for Raven and I. Maybe this time it will all come together and we will see each other after two years. I miss him.

I wonder what it will be like to be at visiting. I imagine how nervous I will feel picking out what to wear. Will he like my body (changed since last he saw me). My hair, (very long) Will he like Me?
I feel my self sitting on the visiting chairs. The little table next to me. The food from the vending machine all spread out like a little picnic. I wonder will the c/o's know that I use to do what they did. Will they make it hard for us. I close my eyes and go through the entire visit. I have been doing that for two years now. Close my eyes and see him come up to the gate. See his smile, the sparkle in his eyes. Feel myself getting up to walk over to him. My heart beating. Feel the touch of his hands, the pull as he wraps his arms around me. The touch of his lips against mine, his tongue playing with mine. The way I am unable to breath while in his embrace. Coming apart and hearing him sigh. Feeling his caress on my face. We hold hands and walk to the table.

I've heard that six hours goes fast. I know it will be hard to leave him when the visit is over. I just don't know how much harder it could be then not seeing him at all. I love him so much.