49 To Go. Part 1.

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Originally uploaded by ravenslove

The anticipation kills us. Raven and I continue to count the days, hours and minutes till we see each other again. We love our visits. We did the first 4 years with out visits. So ours are precious to us.

The day always starts the same. The alarm goes off and I jump into the shower. The phone rings at 6:30 am. "Good morning my Beautiful wife." Raven. "Good morning my sexy, husband." me.
Then we talk about how we get to be together in about an 1 1/2 hour. How we can't wait and how much we love each other. We hang up and I continue to get ready. Jump in the car for the 45 minute drive to NCCI. (30 minutes if no troopers are out). Depending on the mood I jam to Blitz rock (metal) or 97.1 (pop). I usually arrive at the prison about 10 minutes before visitation opens.

When your at visiting you eat vending machine food, bought with a debit card. Not your ordinary debit card but a prison debit card. So my first stop is to get a number, think deli with someone yelling. Number 1, number 1 gets finished, number 2 etc, etc. Then it's over to the machine to put money on the vending card. $20 or $30 usually does it. Time to sit and wait. I was number three today. Officer G calls my number and I go up. You empty your pockets out. Pull them out so she can see they are empty and walk through the metal detector. Today nothing goes off. Sometimes it can be your earings, shoes or belt that sets the machine off. While I am walking through the machine, Officer G tells me that your only allowed 36 pictures to bring in the visiting room. I have about 100. All of a local fair I went too. I take lots of pictures so I can show Raven my day to day life. We share everythng. So back out to the lockers, where I put 64 pictures away. All clear.

We wait for the Control C/O to open the door. Walk through the first door. Once that door closes the actual door to visiting opens. You check in with Officer P. ( the worlds greatest c/o), She assigns your seat. Picture lunch room in kidnergarten. Two chairs facing each other with a table about two feet high between the two of you. Then you wait. Your man has already been called. He comes in from the other side of the room.

The visit begins for real after the first kiss.

The picture, one of the cows at the Lancaster fair.

My husband amazes me.

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Originally uploaded by ravenslove

It has been almost a month since we were informed that Raven will not be coming home this year. The last three weeks I have barely been making it. You see I am not use to being promised something, doing the right thing and then being kicked. In my life when you do what your suppose to you get rewarded. I haven't been eating or sleeping well. That has been taking it's toll. During the entire time my wonderful husband has been supportive and loving. He has made the difference in coming to acceptance. I truly wasn't sure I was going to make it.

He was so busy loving me back into sanity that we never talked about how he was handling this. So on our last visit we talked, for over two hours. How was he feeling? Was he alright? would he be ok? His theory, how can he vent to me when it would just set me back. My theory, we need to be able to share everything we are feeling. These would be two diametrically opposed views. He finally asked if we could ponder this for a while. I agreed.

Visiting continued with other conversation. He signed up to finish his electrician cert. Started a job with maintenance at the prison and signed up for a couple of classes. We talked about how many visits we would have before he would be up for parole again (50). How we would continue to love each other and what our future held.

Two hours after visiting I received a call from Raven. The first thing he said to me is that he would be ok. The Raven that would have lost his temper and done something stupid was gone. The knowledge that he had someone who loved him waiting stopped him from doing anything that may catch him more time. He said he would focus on his wife, his job and his education. Hopefully time would go quickly. I told him that I would wait as long as it took.

Unconditional love, when people ask why I wait for a husband who is incarcerated that is my answer. Never asking me to change. Never calling me names. Always loving me. That's why my husband never ceases to amaze me.

Hey Irene Fiala of Edinboro University.

You would think as a professor you would have better things to do then, sleep with a married man and to continue to check out my blog. Since you don't can you ask my Ex when he is going to send out the next check.

You really need to get a life.


oh Wait I forgot you don't do single guys as proven by your track record.