Visiting Room Intimacy
The visiting room is no place for intimacy. Not the usual kind of intimacy, anyways. We must find our closeness through touches that are acceptable to the Drc and the c/o's. In most cases it can only be a touch on the arm below the elbow. We can occasionally touch on the face. Which I can say is wonderful, my husband has a beautiful face, great smile and sexy eyes. Along with the beautiful face and sexy eyes comes allot of insecurity and trust issues.
Some of the things I got from my past, I am surprisingly getting from my beloved husband. Unlike my past I have decided to let my husband know exactly what is on my mind. In this case it was the fact that he never reaches out for me. Never takes my hand or touches my face. I think I started noticing it within the first two visits. It is always me that reaches for him. Today in the middle of visit I just decided to stop reaching for him. I sat across from him for over an hour. Never did he try and touch me.
He definitely reads my face at all times. He asked me what I was thinking. So I told him. Raven is seeing a counselor. Mrs K. a very nice woman who seems to have an understanding of Raven and his trust issues. So I told him to ask her why he can't seem to reach out and touch the woman he loves. He thought about it for a while and came up with some very insightful reasons he may be having some problems with visiting room intimacy.
He explained how after so many years of not touching anyone or getting being touched
He feels weird. The commotion of the visiting room causes him to be always on the alert. Always on guard. Not able to reach out.
I tried to explain I wasn't mad, just aware of the situation. He promised to ask Mrs. K what she thought and if she could help him.
We went back to our visit. He made a wonderful effort at reaching out. We have a long way to go. Allot of growing. We love each other to distraction. The plan is to spend the rest of our lives together, one learning process at a time.
Some of the things I got from my past, I am surprisingly getting from my beloved husband. Unlike my past I have decided to let my husband know exactly what is on my mind. In this case it was the fact that he never reaches out for me. Never takes my hand or touches my face. I think I started noticing it within the first two visits. It is always me that reaches for him. Today in the middle of visit I just decided to stop reaching for him. I sat across from him for over an hour. Never did he try and touch me.
He definitely reads my face at all times. He asked me what I was thinking. So I told him. Raven is seeing a counselor. Mrs K. a very nice woman who seems to have an understanding of Raven and his trust issues. So I told him to ask her why he can't seem to reach out and touch the woman he loves. He thought about it for a while and came up with some very insightful reasons he may be having some problems with visiting room intimacy.
He explained how after so many years of not touching anyone or getting being touched
He feels weird. The commotion of the visiting room causes him to be always on the alert. Always on guard. Not able to reach out.
I tried to explain I wasn't mad, just aware of the situation. He promised to ask Mrs. K what she thought and if she could help him.
We went back to our visit. He made a wonderful effort at reaching out. We have a long way to go. Allot of growing. We love each other to distraction. The plan is to spend the rest of our lives together, one learning process at a time.
posted by Ravenslove at 3:36 PM
2 Comments:
I think it must be something they all go through then because I know sometimes S is the same way and can't stand to have his face touched. I have often wondered how long it would take to get past it too! So, ya'll aren't alone on that one. He has said it makes it even harder when I leave. C
Maria,
I know that a lot of it has to do with how much time they have been in. Basically the rules of the prison, "Keep your hands to yourself!" :)
It'll get better with counseling and when he comes home.
I can't explain it, but it seems like when they come home, they INSTANTLY know they are free and can do whatever they want! It's cool!
Love you! Patty
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