Been gone mentally

I know I haven't written in my blog for a while. Frankly, I just can't think of anything to write. The disappointment of the parole board has basically taken all the creativity out of my life for the moment. So today I am just going to write what ever comes out of my fingertips. Unfortunately I don't think it will be very cheerful or even entertaining. I have been overcome with the thoughts of depression so much lately that I was thinking of getting back on my medication. I don't like the medication because even though the lows aren't as low. The highs aren't that high either. I just sort of exist. I do like my highs, those times when it seems all is right with the world and with life. I can even manage my lows, with the help of Raven and the new sales queen in town, D. Today, no Raven. After paying phones bills in the thousands, MCI blocked the phone because it reached $400. Big deal, when that happens I take it as we have been cutting down. I guess it's all relative. So for today, anyway no calls from Raven. Left a call for his case manager to speak with her about visitation. Think she could call me back, oh hell no. That would be showing me some respect, so you know thats not gonna happen. As long as I am bitching can I just say that I have only gotten one letter from Raven since his parole hearing. Now I know it hit him as hard if not harder that he wasn't coming home this year, but come on. One letter in almost 4 weeks? Thats just crazy! So between no mail, no calls and a fucking case manager who can't be bothered, today has not been one of the best. But I did promise my self this morning that I would write. So here is what I came up with. Hope no one was disappointed. Ok so I am apparently not yet here mentally all the way.