Wanting something so bad it hurts.

Have you ever wanted something or someone so bad its hurts. I mean actually physical pain. The ache so bad you sometimes can't breath. Thats what I feel tonight. I miss Raven so much it's painful. I get letters, sometimes. I get phone calls so I can hear his voice. So maybe that should be enough, except it's not. I haven't seen the face of the man I love since June. Nine months, long enough to have a baby. I am scared. Scared that one night when I go to bed and try to picture his face, his smile, I won't be able to. I only have one picture of him, no smile, trying to look like a bad ass. Thats what they do in prison pictures. They can't be happy or smile. That's not the image they have to portray. They can't be seen as weak. That would leave them open to problems. Anyway thats the way I picture him. I used to be able to see him smile, watch him brush his teeth. picture him looking at me the way that a man looks at the woman he loves. Only now all I am able to picture is that bad ass smile in the prison picture. Raven is so much more then just that picture. I am afraid I will lose the ability to see him and know his heart. I need his smile, to look into his beautiful dark eyes. To feel his arms around me and his lips brush mine. I am skin starved and the only food I need is Raven.