The perfect husband
The perfect husband only exists on tv and in the movies. The guys (both of them) in Ps I Love You would be perfect examples of them. They are loving funny with a little bit of a temper, yet always thinking of their wife first.
I thought I had found my own perfect husband. I did, the letters that were written the phone calls all of which led me to think Raven was perfect. Then the board gave us more time. He went into protection mode. Protection mode keeps everybody out, everybody including me. Some how I got lost in the aftermath.
I no longer feel like the most important person to my husband and that hurts more then I could have ever realized. Even more then the board giving us more time. I never had doubts when we weren't visiting becaue I always thought I was most important in his life. Now with visits, commissary, vollyball everything is more important. He says I am the most important but actions speak louder then words. His actions say otherwise. I just hurt, hurt before visits, and cry all the way home after visits. It's just hard. I don't know what to do.
I know visits are hard on him. They get stripped out by this asshole, both on the way in and the ways out. Even though most people know that the staff bring in most of the contraband, not much chance of shoving a pound of weed up your ass, it has to come in with staff in their bags. If you want to stop the drugs in prison put a drug dog in the lobby and let them sniff were they want. Chances are it will be staff more then visitors.
Either way I know he can't stand being in the visiting room with all those people behind him. They are not allowed to get up unless they have to piss. Having all those people behind him makes him crazy. If you don't trust anybody it's especially hard to have strangers at your back.
Do I really believe that my husband doesn't love me enough, is it his issue or mine. I don't know. All I know is it's still painfull.
I thought I had found my own perfect husband. I did, the letters that were written the phone calls all of which led me to think Raven was perfect. Then the board gave us more time. He went into protection mode. Protection mode keeps everybody out, everybody including me. Some how I got lost in the aftermath.
I no longer feel like the most important person to my husband and that hurts more then I could have ever realized. Even more then the board giving us more time. I never had doubts when we weren't visiting becaue I always thought I was most important in his life. Now with visits, commissary, vollyball everything is more important. He says I am the most important but actions speak louder then words. His actions say otherwise. I just hurt, hurt before visits, and cry all the way home after visits. It's just hard. I don't know what to do.
I know visits are hard on him. They get stripped out by this asshole, both on the way in and the ways out. Even though most people know that the staff bring in most of the contraband, not much chance of shoving a pound of weed up your ass, it has to come in with staff in their bags. If you want to stop the drugs in prison put a drug dog in the lobby and let them sniff were they want. Chances are it will be staff more then visitors.
Either way I know he can't stand being in the visiting room with all those people behind him. They are not allowed to get up unless they have to piss. Having all those people behind him makes him crazy. If you don't trust anybody it's especially hard to have strangers at your back.
Do I really believe that my husband doesn't love me enough, is it his issue or mine. I don't know. All I know is it's still painfull.
posted by Ravenslove at 6:52 PM
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